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Life and Travels of William Conrad
Chapter I - The Writer's Call to the Work of the Ministry
WILLIAM CONRAD was born December 6th, 1797, the eldest son of Isaac and Margaret Conrad, in Harrison County, Kentucky, on the waters of Twin creek, tributary stream of the south fork of Licking river. My father was able to give us, (for there were five brothers and one sister), some little schooling and each of his sons a trade, if we wished. On my part and my next oldest brother, Henry, preferred a trade. In the first place I served near three years with James McMurry, in the same county, a tanner, to learn the art of the tanning business. In his shop, at the leather table I before referred to in giving the reason of hope in Jesus Christ, as published in the regular Baptist magazine, on page 356, in 2nd volume, copied from "Zion's Advocate," ninth volume, page 345.
Was freed from my apprenticeship on the 26th of August 1817, and on the 11th day of the next month, September, was married to Elizabeth, daughter of Jacob and Dorothy Boyers. Moved to a little piece of eight and a half acres of land, then Pendleton, now Grant county, Kentucky. On the 22nd day of the same month my brother Henry Conrad, then single, moved with us to learn of me the art of tanning, and continued until he obtained a full knowledge of the trade, after which he located himself in an adjoining county, Owen, to carry on business for himself. And now wife and myself some twenty three miles away from her kind parents and relatives, and mine near as far, and we in quite .unbroken forest, and the few inhabitants near us, with a small exception, entire strangers. But most painful and mortifying to our pride as we looked over our little homely piece" of land, seeing it was not only small but in bad condition, and knowing we were poor and owed yet $300 for it, I was thrust into great depression of spirits, so much so that much of my time I scarcely knew what I was about, and filled with fears that I should not be able under all the discouraging scenes surrounding us to make even a scant living. Our parents on both sides, and friends, gave us plainly to understand that they felt our prospect for a living was quite poor. But we acted as though we had come to stay in our newly settled country and make a trial for life. Both of us were young and willing to labor, I to my small beginning of tan-yard, and wife to her housekeeping, both as best we could to struggle for a living. The Lord truly to us was very gracious in providence and His great mercy, so that he greatly blessed .us and also the work of our hands, for in everything our hands found to do as regarded the good things of this life the Lord prospered us so that in a few short years we had plenty in lands and otherwise. And here I would state that I know by His gracious dealings with us the truth of God's words in that He hath said, "The Lord maketh poor and the Lord maketh rich." And again he saith, "Riches and honor is of the Lord." And during these kind dealings of the Lord to us we felt, or at least thought we felt to deal justly, love mercy, and walk humbly before God. And after over three years passed away from the time of arrest, and my discovery of myself a poor, lost sinner when an apprentice boy at my instructor's leather table, as above referred to. About this time the blessed Lord opened up to my view the mighty depths of my iniquities, and my strength became weaker than water, and especially on the fourth Saturday evening and the first hours of its night when it seemed that I should weep myself in view of the dreadful guilt; the power and wrath of God seemed directly to burst forth on my guilty soul, when all at once I felt, as I thought life had ceased or fled, and yet remember that while prayer in my heart ceased, these words poured into my heart, "God wipeth away all tears from their eyes." O, what a calm then succeeded,, my burden and all my trouble gone; the calm was such that I was not sensible of any want or need. 0n Monday after the Saturday above named, being the fourth Saturday in August, 1820, about noon on that blessed Monday, the day of days to me, I found myself at a stand beside two walnut stumps in my corn field, gazing up in a northeast direction, when the glorious mystery so long out of my sight all shone to my astonished soul in these words, "that on account of what Jesus hath done, God would remain just and save such a poor sinner as I had felt myself to be." Oh yes, save me from my sins for what Jesus done then. I looked and wondered and admired this glorious way so opened up to my view, that from the first to the present is safe to my trembling heart as it yet looks and wonders. I had not seen this way before, when I would long before this, had they been mine, freely given all worlds, and all else, for this lovely way, so just to God and safe to my poor soul; and still more strange to me, that I had never before thought of Jesus as daysman or mediator between God and my poor troubled soul, even in the time of my severest troubles.
Dear reader, bear with me as I linger here, for all my powers fail me to find words to fully set forth this glorious display of wondrous grace thus abounding to me, the chief of sinners, and here this evening I acknowledge my pen fails me, as on every other occasion, to mark out fit words; and the reader's tongue, like the writer's, all will fail and come short--they can not fully set forth Jesus' worth and worthiness-but will his fullness tell in the heights above when the ransomed of the Lord shall behold his glory in the clouds of heaven, and all the holy angels with him, and all nations shall be gathered before him.
I must narrow down, and let it suffice me to say once more, (it may be the last time I may mention the leather table in my old friend's shop,) there first the light of life shined in my heart--opened up to my view my wretchedness and woe, at which time my sorrow began. Over three years after I was brought to a stand near two walnut stumps in my corn field. There Jesus was first revealed, and there wonder, love and joy in Jesus first shone and filled my soul. From that time to this, when my thoughts go out to my first sight and love of Jesus, these two walnut stumps serve as a beacon on a high hill, pointing to the sacred spot where Jesus was first revealed to me.
On the fourth Saturday in the next month, September, 1820, I ventured forward to join the church claiming to be regular Baptist, called Dry Ridge; was received and baptized next morning by Elder Jared Riley, then an acceptable and orderly minister in doctrine and practice among old Baptists. It is proper here to state that in going forward to join it never entered my mind once what the church believed as to doctrine or practice, nor did it once strike my mind to think whether they would receive me or not, for the previous evening I was coming along a dim path homeward, through a dense forest, about the close of twilight, thinking of the church meeting on the next day, and directly I set to work in my mind to gather evidence as best I could into a pile, and so prove that I was born again. Presently, I grasped as I thought of at least a scrap to show; and presently, as I thought, found another evidence, and aimed to place it with the first evidence, but the first was out of sight, and so all my efforts failed--I could have but the one at a time. My pile or number of witnesses did not grow, so I was greatly nonplused, for I thought I ought to know that I was born again as I knew other things, but failed to know: and so I was brought to a pause, greatly straightened.
It came into my mind whether it was religion or not. The Lord had showed me enough to lay me under obligation to take up my cross and follow him. Immediately under the above impression I said in my heart, without further thought, if the Lord spares me until tomorrow I will go. After a moment of quiet., it rolled into my mind: "You have promised God, you have promised God," and then the thought, "it will not do to lie to God, it will not do to lie to God." The matter now all settled, we leave out much of the balance of the night and the early morning. Suffice it to say that the claims of the morning were such that when I got to the meeting-house Elder Jared Riley was standing on a platform of blocks sawed out for the openings, doors and windows; they had no other desk or pulpit than this rude pile of blocks at the back part of the house on which to stand and preach, and my recollection is when I entered in at the door, in place of taking a seat, I moved forward toward the preacher to tell or rather cry out what the blessed Lord had done for me--of his great mercy. The old preacher stopped preaching, and after hearing what I had to say, they received me into their fellowship.
The same preacher attended the church but a few months after he baptized me, and then different preachers for a time preached to us, but most all of them of the old fashioned Armenian, for the space of one year, after which Christian Tomlin moved to our part of Kentucky, from Ohio, and obtained the pastoral care of the church, who was, as we found him to be, of the Armenian or new school order of Baptists.
It was not long until I had an opportunity to mingle with and, plucking up a little courage of heart, to talk with the members. I soon found they believed the same doctrine taught by their pastor; and talking with one of the deacons, I found he believed that the child of God, born of the Spirit, might so sin as to fall from grace, and finally be lost. And from others, mostly old members, as many as I talked with, leaned the same way. I soon became much troubled, and being young and timid, and some less than a 3 year a member among them, and being so different-no confidence in myself-I betook myself to a closer reading of the scriptures, and the more I read, and especially of the New Testament, I became more and more confirmed in the doctrine of salvation by grace--the doctrine of predestination and election. True, my opportunity for reading was quite limited as I had to work in the fall season much after night, as well as all the day long, to meet the claims of my customers.
It is proper here to state that my wife professed hope in Jesus in the winter of 1820, and was baptized in the spring of 1821. Great as the comfort was then to feel our hope, our aim, our joy in Jesus was one, all for a short moment was well. But soon interrupted, as it became more and more manifest that my brethren and sisters were determined more fully to contend for the doctrine taught them by their preacher, and, to me, seemed plainly to show that we were getting wider apart; so that my trouble increased until I was soon brought to a stand, not knowing what to do. I was thrust into great trouble and doubts, and fear that I was not born again, nor had tasted the Lord was gracious. Thus, I felt weaker than water, and especially when I would think of the members who had made profession before I moved to the county, and I but a stripling, just baptized; that surely they should know of the doctrine and what the joyful sound was. Thus, in the midst of darkness and gloom I sunk in deep waters, and felt the billows roll over my head, and was made to reel to and fro and stagger as a drunken man-at my wit's end. Yet, reading, searching the Scriptures, comparing Scripture with Scripture.
The Writer's Call To The Ministry….
…if at all, in his judgment, must have began about this time. Thus while reading, I found my mind clinging to some passage of Scripture and felt joy in it-my mind tracing it, with its connection, for a portion of the day-and oftentimes would, at night, fall asleep, leaving the subject, and on awaking, either it or some other portion was presented to my mind and, strange to tell, my troubled soul would seem to rejoice in the matter beheld in those passages, and even feed on the gracious things shown in such pourings over those portions of Scripture day and night, while awake and in my most busy moments. No matter how hard the labor, this pouring over God's word, this busied mind heeded not the hard labor of my physical powers, under whatever stretch.
And during this train of exercise I became deeply solicitous in mind for and in behalf, of poor sinners, and felt such anxiety of soul for their salvation that I felt I must, and many times, young and unworthy as I felt myself to be, went in secret, and where I might, and tried to pray God to save them with everlasting salvation,
I will name one case out of many. Our regular meeting time drawing nigh, and why, I cannot tell, my very soul became so drawn out in desire that it should be a pleasant or happy meeting. The day came about mid-winter, 1821, (to the best of my recollection), and was held at the house of old Brother Henry Childers, (as the church at that time had no stove, the meetings were held in the cold seasons of the year at the houses of the brethren, rather by turn, &c.) The Saturday meeting, to me, had been the day on which I so much desired we should have a pleasant meeting; why that day more than another I cannot tell. But it so turned out that our meeting was tedious, and nothing to me pleasant. All seemed to me cold and dreary, and I came away with my wife, went home and felt disappointed and sad. It being late in the evening, my wife said to me, "Do not go out to your work in your clearing." She said she would hasten and get us dinner, "then, by the time you eat and feed, it will be night." But I did not feel hungry, nor so anxious to work as I was to be alone, and told her I would go to the clearing.
Allow me to say here that from the first expression I made above, of giving one case or narrative out of many, the crooked black-ash tree has been all the time in my mind while writing the last twenty-one lines on this page. From some cause, my eyes became fixed on that tree, near the midst of my clearing's length and breadth. As I entered the clearing, to that tree I went. On reaching it, I was enabled to bow down partly, leaning against it, and if ever I did pray for my own soul's salvation and deliverance from wrath and condemnation, I did beside that tree, pray for poor sinners; that the blessed God would save them with an everlasting salvation; feeling deeply sensible that there was none other name under heaven, given among men, whereby we must be saved. And still, while my mind was so engaged in searching the Scriptures, and my heart drawn out on the precious portions of' God's word that so fully testified, beyond a doubt, that salvation was and is by grace alone abounding to the chief of sinners, as in the writer's own case; and during the many days and weeks thus exercised I would, day after day, find myself choosing out different men that I felt would make good preachers, and looking over the selection that I had made, it would come to my mind, as though spoken to, that "you will never make a preacher," and after making other selections that I conceived would make quite acceptable preachers, and then, again and again, as if spoken, it came into my mind, "but you will never do for a preacher; you cannot talk plain; you stutter." Many such occurrences rolled through my mind, and as often it would occur to me the thought carried out in words-but you will never make a preacher.
It was cheerfully admitted and consented to that, sure enough, I never would make a preacher; and I remember well that I was hearty in the decision. And, alike with other things, strange as it may seem, I was ignorant of what all this and much more that I have not written out could mean. I had not a thought of anything, only who would, among all the men I was then, and became acquainted with, in my judgment, would make good preachers, my mind still exercised and my eyes still pouring over the blessed word of the Lord.
At length, quite early the next Spring, while I was at meeting, some eight miles from home, at the house of a brother, John Franks, when Elder David Lillard (who after-ward went over with the New School Baptists) quoted or read the following Scripture, in the 4th chapter of Exodus, beginning at the 10th verse: "And Moses said unto the Lord,' O, my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since Thou hast spoken to Thy servant; but I am slow of speech and of a slow tongue;' and the Lord said unto him, 'Who hath made man's mouth or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind; have not I, the Lord? Now, therefore, go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shelf say.'" Immediately, in my heart, I felt as reads the next, or l3th verse, "And he (Moses) that said, 'O, my Lord, send, I pray Thee, by the hand of him whom Thou wilt send.'" A full and entire willingness instantly fired my soul to go, when, up to the quoting of the above Scripture, or reading, notwithstanding all the above mentioned exercise and searching of the word of God, I had been destitute of thought or knowledge of what all that meant. But now, in a moment, made more willing to preach, I yet believe, than I have been at any time since. And now such thought and willingness comes up in one so timed and downcast in heart, who ail his life before felt to enjoy a private and retired life, outside the business I was then following for a living. I never thought once that the church, or even any one of the brethren, had ever said to me, "You ought to preach, or exercise a gift in the church;" and yet I heard no more of all the Preacher said that day, after his reading the above named Scripture; but set about arranging plans for appointments to preach, and I judge I was, in mind, if possible, more busy in making arrangements than the preacher was with his subject.
I found myself, in mind, seeking to make my first appointment in a region of country some twelve miles distant from home, and among a people unlearned, and, as I conceived, ignorant like myself, feeling for a few moments that was the people I would first attempt to preach to; but in a few moments, for some reason that occurred, I had to decide that place would not do. But my busy mind, with the stretch of thought, looked out another part of the country, quickly deciding that will do; and, in a like short time, I had again to leave and seek another point for meeting, and so on from one point to another, but had to give up all, as I seemed to wake up by degrees to a knowledge, in part, of my own weakness and ignorance; and yet, unwilling to give it up, the thought rolled into my mind, "have the appointment at your own house, with the alternative, if you should not be able to preach or say anything to the people that might meet," (which by this time, in my judgment, seemed quite probable would be but few in that case), your wife and yourself can get up some dinner and treat the people in attendance to a meal,'" and for a moment I felt that that was the place for my first meeting. The quiet was but short, until I had to give up all, so far as making an effort to preach.
About this time the preacher got done preaching. Elder William Glasscock, with whom I had a small acquaintance, had moved from Ohio into our pair of Kentucky a day or two before, and had come to the above meeting and in the close announced a meeting for himself for the next Sunday, at the meeting house, where I was still a member. After dismission, Elder Glasscock's horse being hitched near mine, and my feelings not fully over the excitement, from some cause (I knew not) dropped a word or two, I suppose, on the subject that had occupied my mind while preaching was going on. At hearing those words, the Elder's countenance was lit up into a smile, followed by these words, which I shall always remember, with the wonderful twitch or stroke they gave me: "I am glad I made the appointment for next Sunday, for you can have an opportunity to preach." O, what a shock! O, could I have gotten those the words which I had spoken in the presence of Elder Glasscock back again! O, how foolish and vain I felt for speaking those words! O, sorrow, deep and deeper sorrow! I knew not what occurred in conversation, if anything at all more, until our roads parted. But this I remember well, that a dreadful distress fell upon me all the time, day and night, when awake, during the week, from the impression that now the matter was fixed and settled, I would have to try to preach the coming Sunday.
When that morning came I had no room for my breakfast, my trouble appeared so great and continued. Now I think, how easy I might have evaded going to meeting, and so, for the time have brought my trouble to an end. But thoughtless then as to how to close my trouble, my wife and I, with our two little sons, Isaac B. and Jacob S. Conrad, went to the meeting house. Not long after us, Elder Glasscock came in, and, after a short interval, he gave me a pluck on the shoulder, and we walked out of the meeting house. We sat down on a log, and he inquired of me if I felt like trying to preach. I hastily answered, (in heart), but the word was not fully uttered, "No," (which was untrue) about which I felt alarmed at my wrong answer and alike hasty remarks further made to Elder Glasscock. Thus I said to him: "O, it is your appointment; go on and fill it and, if I can, I will close." Thus the reader will see, for it seemed so at least to me, that, in the expression to close, I felt bound to close, without seeing any way to escape.
We then went into the meeting house, and I, blind and thoughtless, (as it had been the custom for some one to go up into the pulpit with strange preachers who come among us) took Isaac B, our oldest son, and went up into the pulpit with Elder Glasscock; and so oppressed was I that I sat with Isaac in my arms; heard not; knew nothing of what was preached, nor have I any knowledge of the child's being restless; nor how the child left my arms, only what Elder Glasscock stated to me afterward-that he took him off my arms. I know not even anything of how or when I got up; but this I do remember, that I cried out: "Lord, if Thou wilt, Thou canst make me clean;" and if I took further time. I suppose it was only to repeat the same words. And so unexpected was it--not any looked for such---that the whole congregation seemed thrust into tears, tears are flowing freely; and my poor wife seemed heart, broken, and as a woman forsaken of her nearest friend.
So closed the meeting; and my thoughts were, "it is no preaching, and I will never again try." After all, I felt, in some way, a secret or inward quiet, or consolation, as though emptied of something-whether of the words or in the quotation of that sacred Scripture, an outburst of the soul's fullest conviction that Jesus was the only Savior of sinners--I cannot tell It is known to the Lord. And that evening I could take some food and most of the time since, I have been trying to stop and trying to preach, over fifty-two years.
In these last pages I have given as nearly as I can my feelings. My exercise and call to the ministry of God's word, if called of God at all, God knoweth, and differ it doubtless will, from many who are engaged in preaching what they understand to be the gospel. And here I wish to state that if any doubt its being the exercise and feelings of the true minister, called of God to the work of preaching the gospel of Christ, I have more.
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