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Life and Travels of William Conrad
Chapter III - His First Tour to the Far West
I left home in the fore part of September, 1832, horse-back, for the west. We traveled briskly, and in some twelve days reached Adams county, Illinois, on the waters of Mill creek, and stopped among quite a number of my old neighbors and acquaintances Brother Robert Childers, one of my near neighbors, and deacon with me in the church at Williamstown, wishing to see the country west, accompanied me, and for his company on that tour I proposed and did pay his fare during the tour. We stopped with his brother, Henry Childers. A good part of the settlement around were brother Robert Childers' relatives and my acquaintances, and within a mile was the church called Mill creek, (old Baptist) The house was situated on the bank of the creek just named. My heart's delight was to find that church in the enjoyment of a refreshing season from the Lord, and to me it was the first visible outpouring of God's gracious spirit on the church, and display of His mighty Power in bringing poor sinners to hope in God's mercy. This wondrous grace shone in the far west, some 550 miles from my home. Some six or seven of God's dear children had already related God's glorious dealing, with them and were received for baptism, by which all who read this will see quite easily that brother Childers and myself did not take to the west with us nor yet gee up the above mentioned revival or refreshing season, but to say it was the Lord's work of grace in the hearts of poor sinners, and marvelous in our eyes.
The old pastor, Elder Roberts, being somewhat a cripple as well as being quite old, those received for membership were not yet baptized.
There was quite a young speaker by the name of Henry Davis, whom the church had liberated to exercise his gift, and the church had already mentioned to him their wish to have him ordained to the work of the ministry and the administration of the ordinances, but hitherto he felt too unworthy to submit. This brother was with me at my first appointment and onward, for we had meetings almost every day, and often at night, so I had an opportunity to hear him preach, as well as have much conversation with him.
To this church, at first opportunity, I offered my letter of dismission, and was received into their fellowship with the understanding that they give me a like letter when I should leave for Kentucky, provided my walk should be such as would justify them in doing so.
The above named brother, Henry Davis, soon informed the brethren that if he must be ordained; that he wished it be done while I was with them, to which request the church cheerfully consented. In the meantime the gracious work of the Lord appeared manifest among the brethren. There were still some coming forward and uniting with the church and ready for baptism. The church, however, arranged for the ordination of brother Henry Davis at their next meeting.
Elder Roberts, living some distance off from the church, had not heard of the meetings at Mill creek, and around at Fall creek church also. But now it seemed that the brethren awoke up, not only that they needed the presence of their pastor, but that they should have given him word immediately on our arrived within the bounds of the church at Mill creek so he might have partook with them and us in the several meetings, and so seen and heard of us strangers for himself; so when the brethren reached his house and reported to him the wish and will of the church touching the ordination of Brother Davis at their coming meeting at Mill creek, the dear old Brother Roberts became stirred--his feelings quite aroused, that perhaps I, a stranger from Kentucky, was one of the many disturbers of the peace and quiet of the churches--one of the many revivalists from that region. He came. Several brethren with myself, met him some distance from the meeting-house. They gave him an introduction to me, but such was his excitement that he could but barely acknowledge the introduction to us strangers, although informed by the brethren that we were at least doctrinally what we professed to be. Finally the old brother calmed down when he found that Brother Davis had lived near me in Kentucky, from where he (Davis) had moved to Adams county, Illinois, and before we reached the meeting-house, on his being told that it would devolve on him to preach the ordination discourse, as he was the oldest, and also pastor of the church, Elder Roberts immediately answered no, and added that if such discourse was preached, I should preach it. I remonstrated, and tried to urge him to preach for various reasons, but all was unavailing: I then said, "Brother Roberts, will you close after me, then, and make some remarks, such as you feel like making?" He answered me that he did not know, for that would depend entirely upon how he felt about what I might preach.
We having no further time, I went forward, under great embarrassment, and had not reached the middle of my discourse when the dear old brother's fears and suspicions gave way, and the tears freely flowed down his withered cheeks, when he quickly arose to his feet, stepped forward, reached me his hand and spoke out, audibly, "Go on, for that is the truth." At this moment I was ready, and doubtless did respond with a like flow of tears, for by this time the clouds had disappeared, and the clouds of unbelief that were hovering so thickly around my trembling heart at the beginning of my discourse were gone, and I afforded, under the blessed spirit of God, an auspicious season while trying to publish salvation to perishing sinners of Adam's apostate race, through a crucified and risen Jesus. The old brother cheerfully closed after me, and a like willingness manifested in uniting with me in the ordination et Brother Davis alter the sermon, by the imposition of hands, after which the old brother prayed, and I was directed to give the charge to the young Elder Henry Davis, so set apart to the solemn work of the ministration of God's word according to the pattern set forth in the New Testament, separating him to the work whereunto the Lord hath called him.
On the next day, Sunday, near the meeting-house, according to arrangement, (as Elder Roberts was not able in body by reason of infirmity, to baptize,) I was to baptize those who were already acknowledged proper subjects by the church for the ordinance of baptism. These were ten in number, and I, by permission, took Elder Davis with me into the stream, Mill creek, near the meeting-house, for I felt it was best for Brother Davis to go right to work in the ordinance of baptism while I was yet with him, (there being much water there.) and the first Sunday in October, 1832, Elder Davis baptized three and I baptized the other seven of God's dear children, as I still trusted they were. And in the work above I trusted that I saw fully about this the hand of the Lord in my going to the west, and why, as it seemed, I must go, leave a dear companion--the wife of my bosom as well as the wife of my youth-and she in quite a feeble state of body, her health bad, (dear reader, I felt very sad most of the journey, passing through Indiana and Illinois, and to Quincy, now quite a large city, and looked at the great Mississippi stream, when Quincy was truly small, at most not more than half a dozen poor hovels,) and most all my friends opposed me in my contemplated tour west. But while in Adams county, I trust, the Lord used me as above; besides, in that early day, from all I could observe, there was but few, if any, ministers and brethren in reach that understood the bible manner of separating the called of God to the work of the ministry of the gospel of the son of God, &c.
We furnished this young minister with credentials proper, as adopted and given among Old School Baptists, and as far as we could, in all things, made ready for the work before him. Some eight or ten days after, I baptized, I think, three more of the Lord's circumcised children, and after obtaining a letter of dismission from said church, brother Robert Childers (deacon) and myself took our leave of the brethren, sisters and friends, and set our sites for old Kentucky, and, with the blessing of the Lord, once more to look on the faces of our families, brethren and sisters whom we had left behind.
We reached our homes after some twelve days of hard traveling, being absent in all, six weeks, lacking two days.
I can truly say before God, I lie not that I have at every remembrance of the Lord's mercies toward me, all the way to the west, and his returning me safe to my dear family and friends, felt to praise the Lord for his great mercy and goodness, and that he has afforded me time after time great reason to believe that he has used me in some degree to the comfort and edification of his dear children, and also I am made daily to cry out with David, "Praise the Lord, O, my soul, all that is within me, praise his holy name." And yet I own, and right I should, own my wrong in taking, a letter of dismission from the church at Williamstown as another member, and not as a minister, with the motive of laying it back again as another member, and so get rid of being their supply or pastor, and if possible compel the church to obtain some other preacher, and such, too, as I could hope the Lord would bless with peace and the outpouring of his spirit upon the church, and to the calling out of God's hidden ones the acknowledgment of the abounding grace of God to them, and unite themselves to the church, which great blessing I felt would not be poured out upon the church while I was their supply and looked to as their pastor.
I was all the time so unbelieving I could not frame to believe that God would use to his own glory and the up-building of his beloved Zion such a poor, unworthy, as well as foolish and ignorant worm of the earth as myself. And it seemed I could not be content in my then present condition, for it seemed to me the church was bleeding at every pore while I was their pastor, and even the blessing of visiting ministers who should come among the brethren in all the fullness of the blessing of the gospel of Christ. I felt it would not abide on them, because connected with and countenancing the poor dust as their preacher, I could, but need not say more. All this, and more, drove me to resort to the course as above named, and nothing else, as far as I am able to decide. Well, at the first meeting after my return home from the west, the Lord allowed me to present myself before the church with my letter of dismission from the Old School Baptist church at Mill creek, in Adams county, Illinois. I handed up my letter to the clerk, who read the same to the church at Williamstown, quite a clear copy of the letter I had first received from them. I said, now brethren, you see from. the letter read to you that I do not come in among you as a preacher, but as and like any other ordinary member; you first, at my request, gave me such a letter; I laid it in with the church at Mill creek, of same faith, and under their watch-care as well as a member with them, until the time came for my return to my home. Now, dear brethren, look out for a pastor, for I am alike a member with you all. I still went on and tried to preach when there was no other supply present, and met with the church at every meeting and at every opportunity I gave them to understand that we were without a preacher. It was not long, however, before one of the brethren gave me a deep cut, in presence of one or the brethren, as Follows: "I believe he feels that the members of the church are too poor for him to preach to, and therefore declines to serve us as pastor or preacher." The brother to whom this language was addressed gave me a hint of the same. I immediately felt deeply wounded, for it was a point that hurt me worst of all, so I kept pulling at the same until I got in substance the whole, and the brother's name who so expressed himself. This information I obtained one night as I was returning home after filling an appointment for preaching. I was of but little use that night for a traveling companion; my companion and I parted, each wending his way home, my heart heavy. I was sore troubled. I slept but little the remainder of the night after reaching home, for I knew I had never felt myself above the poor in or out of the church, be they ever so poor, if their walk or behavior did not shut me out from their company. I made out to work on the farm next day, my brother Isaac Conrad helping me grub in the clearing until dinner, after which I told him I must go to brother Martin Draper's that evening and that he could work alone. My poor heart became more and more heavy. I could not refrain from weeping along the way, and more I was made to feel willing for my brethren's will in my case to be done. Oh, I felt willing to be the Lord's little-anything that he would have me to do or be. However, I reached Brother Draper's house and found him in. I soon inquired if he had made the remarks reported to me. He said he had made the remarks. I added, "my dear brother I wish you to step into my shoes for a few minutes." I then, as above, showed him the full ground for my urging the church to strive to obtain some one whom the Lord would bless to the upbuilding of the church under whose ministry the Lord would add numbers to the church at Williamstown; that my own unworthiness and, in my judgment' unfitness, and my brother, you do know that I had said all that I ought to have said to the church, and now I feel that I said more than a servant should of right say as regards a pastor or preacher, for the church, of right, should be her own judge as to who should go in and out before her; yet, my dear brother, that all put together did not deliver me of the temptation of unbelief under which I labored, that the Lord would not bless the church with prosperity while I was her supply, for I was too weak and ignorant, and that you and the rest of the church deserved an abler supply. Brother Draper then stopped me and added, "My brother, if I had known such were your feelings, I would not have spoken of you as I did." Enough, Brother Draper, said I, for I am satisfied, and I hope we shall both be profited by this interview. The reader will see how greatly I suffered, following in the channel and heeding the voice of blind unbelief, and the deep despondence that must always follow wherever unbelief prevails, leading tea distrust of the coming to pass of the promises of God and the sure mercies of David. The writer now feels that, after all the sorrow and plague of heart occasioned by the above occurrence: it has worked together for the good of him; for he has not only felt that, sure enough, "the way of the transgressor is hard," but he has learned thereby the relation more fully between the church, or mistress, and the minister, or servant of the church; and still more, that he should not become impatient about the slow coming to pass of the sure and faithful promises of God--the great High Priest of His people-as the writer, in after days, realized; that, though the God of our salvation tarry long, it is good, it is best to wait for Him, for He will come, and not tarry longer than is meet in His sight. It was not long after the writer's return from the far West, until it seemed, good to the Great Shepherd and Bishop of our souls to pour out His spirit, and a few of His children were added to the church. The members seemed ready to thank God and take courage. However, the writer still remembered the joyful season he had had in the West in 1832, so he was anxious to see the brethren again; and the Lord was pleased to suffer him to take another long ride to the West.
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